Hmm..

Never thought 'Stop and Stare' by One Republic would again be the almost-perfect words to describe how I am now.

I need to find out what I want exactly. Seems like I'm moving but actually, I am going nowhere. God, help!

The last days of pregnancy (and the thank-yous)

Hello guys :) it has really been a while hasn't it? I wrote that I'm gonna write another post before I pop, but it didn't happen. Trust me, the month of May was a hectic one. Even though I spent most of the time only at the office, but the hours at the office were really occupied with reports and updates. Then, occasionally I wasn't fit enough.. a bit of fever and fatigue at times.. so, I couldn't really write.

Well, I'm gonna tell you what happened on the days that I really felt were eventful.

May 22nd. Mr. Hubby and I had the chance to go on another mini honeymoon. We got this great deal to stay at Pullman Hotel, so we chose to go to the one in Putrajaya for 3 days and 2 nights. I must say we were lucky to get a room facing the lake. The scene from the room was splendid!

The view from our balcony

A view of the hotel

Mr. Hubby and Mrs. Fatty Me

May 26th. I had my checkup with Dr. Idora. This checkup was a bit different from my previous checkups where Dr. Idora performed what I call the 'finger' examination. Ala, the type of examination where the doctor measures how much a pregnant lady has dilated. Not sure what I am talking about? Ala, go google it lah :p I was pretty much excited about it. New experience lah katakan.. It didn't really hurt like what my colleagues told me. Well, maybe it's a different experience for different people.

May 27th. I was at the office completing my work, hoping that they would finish before my baby's due date. Anyway I was feeling a bit weird that day after the 'finger examination'. After lunch, I noticed there were extra discharge and I didn't feel good about it. Colleagues around me urged that I should go to the hospital. Yatt took the trouble to drive me to the hospital and waited for almost 2 hours until I completed the checkup. Luckily I was not ready for labor. The nurse in charge performed the 'finger' examination and said my opening was only about 1 cm. She advised me to go home.

May 28th. From just mere clear-pinkish discharge, it turned to be period-like discharge. I was really nervous. I spent the night at the labor room whereby I was placed under observation. Minor contractions started to take place (well, even though they were minor, they were painful ok!) Dr. Idora was away on leave, so I was put under Dr. Premitha's supervision instead. She came the next morning and had me examined. The opening was still 1 cm. So I went home that Sunday morning.

May 29th. I really couldn't sleep that night. My abdomen was aching like every 10 minutes the entire night. I wondered what sort of pain it could be. But never in my mind would I think it was the early stage of labor pain.

May 30th. That morning I woke up feeling drowsy, tired and in pain. I told my mom I felt like passing motion but I couldn't. She said I should go to the hospital. Luckily Mr. Hubby decided to take EL. After being examined by the nurse, she confirmed that the opening was already 5cm. "You're ready for labor, Sharifah!" The nervous feeling was no more at that time.. it was more to 'come what may' mode.

So 12 hours in labor room.. and at about 10.30 pm, Zara Soraya was born. I never thought that 'Zara Soraya' would really exist in my life, but thank Allah, she's here. And what's more important, she's mine :)

"Hello World!"

I would like to thank my parents, siblings and friends (especially Yatt, Caah, Aween, Kak Nedd, Kak Wahida, Zamila and Ziadora) who helped me when I was going through my pregnancy. It was a great and a fun journey. Zara was really strong inside me, even though when I was chasing Dayabumi's elevator or the LRT or doing brisk walking. 

I am now near to the end of my confinement (which I think I'm gonna miss!). Thanks Mak Abah for taking care of me and the baby, thanks Ain, Aishah and Ozal for helping me watching over Zara, and thanks Mr. Hubby too for going through the sleepless nights with me.I'm not sure if I'm gonna miss not being able to sleep, but I surely don't wanna miss watching Zara grow.

Oh well, motherhood's here to stay..~

These final few weeks..

Okay nampaknya saya memang sungguh pemalas nak update blog tahun 2011 ni. One update per month.. it used to be 3 average posts in 2010 and 4 in 2009.. Well, nothing big to tell, really.. what I'm undergoing now is very much similar to what other women have experienced.. so I guess it's not a big deal..

Ok, so I'm in the final stage of my pregnancy.. soon reaching 9 months' mark. Yeah, I'm kinda feeling excited about it.. always imagining that my baby and I will lie on the bed together.. with me looking at her in disbelief since she was formerly inside me. Ahh, saya memang suka berangan!

Hubby's back for good. Good :) No need to skype anymore, what more with the lousy wireless connection at home (Cisco modem pun boleh buat hal eh? Kalau Huawei boleh la terima..) I just hope the 1st shipment he sent back will reach home in time.. if not, I'll be missing my Medela and will have to scout for a manual breastpump instead. Cis. Tak nak!

I'll be having my checkup today. Usually it's on Saturdays, but I will be attending antenatal class with my hubby this Saturday, so I have to reschedule the visit to the doctor. There are a lot of things going on for us presently.. We're not only focusing on the baby's arrival, but also we are in the preparation to get our Bangi house ready. Last week, hubby and I went to Homedec at KL Convention Center, and we bought the kitchen hob-cooking hood-oven set and a Coway water filter. It sounds like we didn't really shop, doesn't it? Those 2 items already costing us more than RM5k ok. Baru 2 benda.. lom lagi cabinet idaman hati itu. Well, the cabinet issue is something to be deeply thought about. I booked promotional prices with 2 cabinet vendors, but I am having second thoughts on their available range of colors and materials (dem!) Nasib tak bayar banyak pun.. if not.. sob sob..

I think this won't be the last post before I pop. I'll update later. Til then, latersss~

:)

.. He's coming back on a jet plane..

Episod perut buncit

I'm writing this to fulfill my promise to Ziad: to write something on my experience so far in this almost 7 months' journey.

Right now, if I were to line up my friends: Ziad, Zamila, Caah, Diyana, Kak Nedd and Kak Wahida, I'll be 4th in waiting to rock the delivery room (haha). How macho (read: calm) can I get being in the delivery room? Well, if it's not my usual macho moment, being more macho than average ladies would be satisfactory already (tapi time sakit nanti apa pun dah takleh fikir kot!)

Hmm.. perut saya tak selonjong ini..

What do I feel right now? Hmm.. I dunno. Can't exactly put my feelings into accurate words. There's a bit of being excited, worried, scared, and then worried again.. totally mixed. Hubby's still not back yet. I guess that is the normal destiny for most wives in GTS. Seeing my friends being okay despite their husbands' absence makes me feel that I'm not alone.

This afternoon, I just had my 3rd checkup at Pantai Hospital Kuala Lumpur. I really look forward to meeting the doctor and asking her tonnes of questions about the baby. So far, the doctor and her nurse are terrific. My doctor is very soft spoken, never fails to give me assuring answers about the uncertainties I have, though every check up means I will have to wait for my turn at least 2 hours, no matter how early I arrive. Oh yes, I am very patient in waiting for my turn. Unlike waiting for Ain after work. 5 minutes late and all the words are already in my head.

Mood-wise, I would say that I am getting to be more 'telinga nipis' than usual. So, if you don't have good or important things to share with me, better shut up and stay away.

Food-wise, I prefer the non-spicy ones. So the easiest choices would be tuna or egg sandwiches, nasi ayam, milk, soy drinks, oats and bread. But you know, it's hard to be choosy when there's not so much of choice to eat, especially around Dayabumi and Central Market area, where mamak food rules. Boring gila hari-hari makan thosai or fried meehoon. Wanna eat pancake? I will have to wait till weekends for that of course.

Oh, I avoid fast food too. Sounds really yucky to me.

For the record, I really like sweet things presently. There was once, I spent nearly 1.5 hours on the road (I wasn't aware that Le Tour de Langkawi arrived in Shah Alam that day, so the traffic was damn terrible) to get from home to SACC Mall to buy Big Apple doughnuts. Central Market's Secret Recipe is a regular lunch place now (seriously I am starting to feel economically burdened by this appetite for sweet stuff!) So to ensure that I eat healthily, I channel the sweet cravings to taking raisins daily. That somehow curbed my appetite for cakes and chocolates.

Nevertheless, I am proud (should I feel proud anyway??) that my weight hasn't really gone up the scale. To date, my weight has increased about 7.5 kilos. Today's checkup showed that my baby is already 1 kilo. But I am a bit concerned if the not-so-significant weight increase may mean that my milk production isn't going to be as much as I want. But yeah, there's always certain food that I can take to grow the milk production. So I suppose I shouldn't be worried that much.

I still take the LRT now and then to commute to work. The worst part is, no man who sits at the 'Aren't We Courteous?' area will ever get up and offer his seat to a pregnant lady like me. And every time that I see a young man sitting at that area, all the curse words in my head, I dedicate to him. Trust me, a LOT of curse words. Tinggal tak cakap aje.

But thanks to Asri for lending his City parking card, I can now save on parking when I feel like driving to work. Well, that is until he is back in KL anyway.

I guess I'll continue later. Talking too much about this, I'm afraid it might give signals that I am more thinking about my pregnancy than my work. Well, that's not true. If random readers were to think that way, they're wrong.

Well, people tend to judge when they don't know you.. that's what I think la..

To my baby, stay in there well okay. Mommy will try her best to eat nutritious food for you :) Mommy just ate her oats. Hope you liked it :)

It's not a break

Hey hey.. I'm not taking a break yet alright.. Many things in mind to write about.. but am spared with too little time.. I'm foreseeing an update would be.. hmm.. soon enough?

To this important someone in my life

I'm writing this because suddenly I feel like I need to. Because this person played a very important role in my growth. I consider her to be too old now, and I don't want to be writing this when she is gone, because she showed and taught as many things as she can to me. I hope anyone who reads this post, who knows her will tell her that I wrote this for her. No I won't tell her of course! Why? Because I'll cry before I get to end what I want to say. Yeah, I want her to know that I wrote this for her.

She's my grandmother. The one who has the life impossible to believe. The one who once walked with kings and ministers and great women, the one who always cooked for us (and yes, no one could beat her in the kitchen).. and now she's too fragile even to take care of herself.

I always observe her and I will always have the thinking that growing old is not fun at all. Especially after the age of 60s.

She came from a great family background. The family that brewed a few of the earliest national figures, and she herself was among those were involved in the the party who sought independence for the country. During her leisure time, she would be giving cooking lessons at the WI. I am proud of the fact that she was well-known. But the history has left us so far.. she could not really catch up with those days anymore.. only the stories of what is left in her mind.

She took care of us since we were mere infants. She taught us to recite the Muqaddam, to sing nursery rhymes, learn English and Math, and she would cook for us the wondrous dishes.. among our favorites were terutup, pajeri, masak kurma, masak semur, roast chicken, nasi tomato, roti canai sardin, roti jala,.. in short, we just name it. Whatever she cooked, it melted our senses. No matter how long it took for her to cook something, it never bothered her.

When I stepped into primary school, there were a few things that was hard for me to get. Like 'tolak-pinjam' mathematical operation in Standard 2. When she was trying to clear things for me, I was like, "how on earth can numbers know how to borrow. I thought only humans do that!" and I still remember how I told her to justify why the sound of the word 'knife' was pronounced without the 'k' sound. She seldom got mad at this cucu loyar buruk. In fact, to what I can remember, she never did. I used to hate playing 'congkak' with her, because I knew I would lose, but she was always generous of teaching me the strategy to win, even though I was full of resentment.

And every time I aced my exams, she would tell my siblings that I was exemplary. It made me feel great. No need fancy gifts. A praise like that was all I need. It was good in my quest to boost self-confidence.

There was one day, when she followed my sister and I to school, because we asked her to become our supporter for our all girl-band to perform during Teacher's Day. She came to cheer for us, and we won the juries' vote. Knowing that she was not so well, we were really touched by her gesture.

During exam seasons, she would be constantly performing solat hajat for us. She even knew what subjects we were sitting for each day. And when we got back from school feeling tired of answering the exams, she would make us lie down and massage our foreheads while reciting some doa. 

She's a great fighter too. Dark life episodes, deadly diseases came her way. We thought we would lose her. But she made it through. That is also one of the reasons why I really believe she is an iron lady with a life impossible to believe.Yeah, who would believe if she told that she had dinner at the table together with the late Sultan of Johor? Well, we saw the pictures a few times before..

But yeah.. right now, age is really catching up with her.. and I feel bad of watching it.. I really miss the days when she was up and about. Thank God that my mom is watching her closely, like how my grandmother used to care for her mother, our great grandmother.

If any of you guys who knows her is reading this, please tell her that I wrote this for her.

To my sisters and brother, let's cherish her while she's here with us. We know she means the world to us. So let's prove it.

I'm so bored..

What a plain boring 3-day weekend it is.

No new mail, silent handphone, boring TV programs, Ain being away to Penang.. hishh.. surely there's more meaning to life, Sharifah!

And what am I doing here in KL? I should be going somewhere to get fresh air! (ceh.. baru balik dari cuti nak cuti lagi eh..) Of course!

Not really looking forward for the new year.. Not after I completed watching 'The Arrivals' series.. hmm..

January used to be my fave month, but not anymore. Lately I don't think it's fun celebrating birthdays (it makes me feel aged.. :\ ).. unless if the occasion is for kids la..

Oh.. thank God for Haikal's reception tomorrow.. perhaps I'll meet some familiar faces.

(posting this entry is already enough to indicate how drop-dead bored I am..)

Heading towards 2011

Until this entry is written, I have only 27 posts this year? Whoa.. a sharp drop in count la Sharifah. Does that indicate that I'm busier this year or I'm just plain lazy? Hm, maybe a bit of both :D

It feels like 2010 has surpassed the speed limit to reach December. It's already the mid of the month, and most of the people in the office are on holidays. Me? Well, I just came back from my long holiday, segan la pulak kan nak cuti lagi, though I still have a couple of days that I should spend away from the office.

New Year's Resolution

I am proud to say my 2010 resolutions are all met! Many good things and great experiences happened in 2010, I can never be more thankful to Him. Alhamdulillah.

Hmm, for 2011, these are some of the things that I would love to achieve:

• To talk when needed
  I notice lately that I talk a lot, especially when I'm excited. And I tend to feel guilty after that. So I hope next year, I will say only the necessary things.
• To know how to answer to sarcasm
  The thing is, I am never good in answering people who like to give sarcastic remark. Why? Because I like to be the good girl. I like to imagine myself as a cute and tame doe, though some friends say my facial expression looks 'garang'. Also, I believe it's not a worthwhile thing to entertain. You know, it's like "sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words shall not hurt me" kind of thing. But after a while, I do think that these sarcastic people should have a taste of my fist! So, watch out sarcastic people, be it a makcik, a pakcik, cik keletah whatsoever, I will have my own words to reply. Don't ever think that I'm a pushover!
• To be a well-informed citizen who knows how to evaluate news and issues
  If there is one thing I love about my dad apart from him being my dad, is that he always keeps abreast of the news around the world and will always have mind-opening opinions about the matters that are going on in the nation. I realize that I lack in that aspect. I don't really know how to achieve this goal; I guess having a wide source of information will somehow help. You see, I really aspire to be someone who expresses the opinions of the society. What more with the goings-on in Malaysia, where common people get more suppressed day by day. So far, I am so not qualified! Sigh.
• To value money more
  This is just to remind myself to be wiser in managing my money. Not that I'm a big spender; I just spend on the things I've budgeted for only. I would love to see more savings and diversed investments in 2011.

Things to expect in 2011:

• Our baby's arrival, insya Allah :)
• Our Bangi home modification! I'm going to Home ID Deco Expo tomorrow! Can't wait to find lotsa good stuff. And yes, I sooo can't wait to move into our own house. Though I know it's gonna be tiring, but after waiting for quite long (and by that time we're already married for over a year! A year staying in parents' house is definitely NOT COOL) moving into our own house is absolutely something to look forward to. Finally we will have our own privacy again.. like what we had in Reading.

Like we all always wish for the new year to be better than the year before, I have the same hope too. And while the new year is still very young, I will be a year older. And yes I do hope I would be a lot wiser. Wiser in judgment, wiser in words, wiser in action, wiser in life decision and wiser in religious matters.

"When the world pushes you to your knees, you are in perfect position to pray. If Allah brings you to it, He will bring you through it.."

I will tawakkal, do my best and leave the rest to Allah.

P.S: New year la sangat.. new year Islamic calendar da lepas da :P

He left on a jet plane..

He went away again this time
leaving on a jet plane .. like he used to hum..
and that leaves me with a longer interval
to wait
ne'ermind..
I'll wait..

It's not like we have never done this before..
only the time was shorter
and they say if you could wait for years..
what is a-few-months to compare..

yeah..

And they say again
distance makes the heart grow fonder
not to mention absence too..
well, I am trying to get a grip on them
though I do believe in those sayings..
yeah, I do..

My dear,
be strong there..
I'll take care of myself for you
:)

yours lovingly..