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Monday, March 17, 2008

Turbulent me

Aaarghh.. why do I feel so hard to reach deep inside when I'm writing in English.. sheeesshhh..

"Kekuatan hati yang berpegang janji
Genggamlah tanganku cinta
Ku tak akan pergi meninggalkanmu sendiri
Temani hatimu cinta.."

They're Letto's Sebelum Cahaya. The song that soothes.. The song that makes me think of the loved one.. Pity him.. I let him down too often.. I'm sorry.

Okay, lets talk.. or rather, discuss.

I'd like to ask this question. Can you feel your heart is like being incised when suddenly something that saddens or disappoints you happen? Can you feel it bleed?

Nah.. it is just a question. Nothing major.

Lately, I noticed that I don't actually smile that often. It's not that I'm not happy.. I'm just being the normal me. But I know, it is way easier for me to smile to those less-significant acquaintances. Not many things actually that really make me happy. At times, I wonder what it is that contents me. The drawback is that, it is easier for me to feel sad rather than to feel happy when I am in my normal emotional state. Sigh..

Like what Fergie said, "I need to be with myself in center, clarity, peace, serenity.." I feel at best when I am with myself. I observe myself to be in the best mood when I'm all alone, listening to the radio, to window shop, to drive.. (and my mom will think that I'm trying to exclude my siblings from my daily affairs.. duhhh)

I realize, as I grow older, the emotional part of me becomes more dominant. I don't really fancy that fact, though that is the reality I have to face presently. The negative emotions surface really evidently when those who disappoint me are those whom are important to me. Sounds pathetic, doesn't it?

Passive love - I learnt this during the induction course I went to last month. This passive love happens in those who strive to maintain good image in other people's eyes to get people's adoration. Yes, I have a bit of that in me (truth hurts, okay~).. though with the passing of time, I learnt to be a little nasty to people who annoy me; I learnt that it is not always important for everyone to like me.. which yeah.. I admit that at times, it does ignite the good feeling inside.. the good feeling of revenge and self-expression, and not being a facade.

(oh my.. how many 'err' words have I mentioned already.. habis la blog kena label, adehh..)

This time around, I would really wanna see the clock ticks as fast as it could. I am anxious to know how would my life be at the end of the year. I know that this year will have many many exciting stories for me to experience. Working life-wise, personal life-wise, knowledge-wise.. if only everything can happen with me being awaken at the end of December.. "wake me up when December ends.."huh.. what dream.. a day older should make you a day wiser, Sharifah~

This is just the middle of March.. 8.5 months to go.. (-_-)

14 comments:

desh said...

The feeling of someone is squeezing the heart. I experienced it a few times.

gilberto de piento said...

We all have experienced highs and lows of emotion while dealing with life.
Maybe you should reconsider your life's VELOCITY.
Maybe slow down a little bit if you find out that your life is moving too fast,
and vice versa.
Maybe being alone is one way to slow down your life.
Being alone is a good way to reflect life.

"A long December and there is reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I cant remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
Now the days go by so fast"
-Counting Crows

desh said...

You are under a lot of emotional turbulent, aren't you?

Ainul Hafiz said...

how come k ira? sounds so... 'jiwa kacau'

~ blossom ~ said...

ra,i feel the same way you do, dear (i think :))..emotional ups and downs brings excitement to our life yet sometime i feel tiring to deal with all this...our life will never be complete w/o this cycle

Sharifah Zahira Syed Iedin said...

See.. it's soo easy for a girl to understand another girl..

Tein, stoppoed blogging already?? Pls don't!

Sharifah Zahira Syed Iedin said...

See.. it's soo easy for a girl to understand another girl..

Tein, stoppoed blogging already?? Pls don't!

eyz said...

Kaman ira, smile more..it's good for your health =p

- emil

desh said...

Ira. That is true. Only girl can understand another girl.

...Because man by nature is a species who only devoted to violence, a war mongering type and also football hooligans.
It is a kind of weird species.

What is so great about football anyway?

Sharifah Zahira Syed Iedin said...

Haha.. from that perspective en. Dayat, i'll take it like this.

Girls watch football cuz there are talented, goodlooking footballers around. Most importantly, GOODLOOKING, haha (oh i'm not one of those girls.. i no longer watch football..)

Guys, they go for the scorer, or the glory-feeling of the club.

Two different perspectives eh..

If i ask a guy 'what is so great about football anyway?', i will be bashed with 'what's up with all those makeup thingy..'

haha. men and women. what is world without them..

desh said...

What confuse me when a die hard football fan, can't hardly play football. If you are so crazy about the game why not play it, at the same adoring the star player. Haha. Well, it's everybody's choice. Who am I to judge?

And.. what ever woman's reason about the makeup thingy, I TOTALLY SUPPORT their effort. I TOTALLY BELIEVE in their reasons. Haha.

desh said...

Alamak! Your boyfriend minat football ke? Baru tahu la. Sorry. Kutukan tidak disengajakan.
Honest mistake ni.

desh said...

I want to share a story with you that proves humans best way of learning.

My son is 2years 4months old. He has a vast collection of VCD/DVD including pingu, barney, thomas, bob the builder, ultraman tiga, 123, ABC and most pixar animated.
The only problem is he can't operate the DVD player by himself. It annoyed us because he usually likes to change the VCD so frequent.
I had to solve the problem. We draw a small picture and stick it to the EJECT button and PLAY button.
We draw red PINGU for EJECT button,
and purple FISH for PLAY button.

At first we just need to train him, " Danial tekan PINGU, masukkan CD, tekan PINGU balik, tunggu, tekan FISH."
Now, he can operate the DVD player by himself after 1 or 2 days.

What I'm trying to say here is not about my son who can operate DVD.
What I'm trying to prove here is that people can easily understand something if they can connect to it with anything that make sense to them in life.

That is why most of us failed so many times in ADD Maths in form 4 5, because we really can't see ADD MATHS really make sense at that time.

To learn something easily, it got to make sense to us.

Sharifah Zahira Syed Iedin said...

speechless..

en. dayat, that is really brilliant.

But yeah, over the years, it seemed so funny when we thought add maths was tough..

even calculus!

now, teaching my bro and his frens seems so easy.. haha~