Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sabtu Malam Ahad

Today is the final day of May.. and I'm glad it ended with a feel of happiness inside =) though I don't really like May, and it felt like forever to reach this date. Alhamdulillah tomorrow is June.. well, not that I like June either.. but I would love to see what will happen to me in June :) (bunyi mcm saspens jek eh.. ececece..)

When I started this blog, I told myself that I wouldn't want to write about myself.. I mean, I don't wanna get that personal. Hmm, I guess I would wanna ask for an exemption for this post, boleh? Sure la boleh kan.. this is my blog pun :P

Currently mood:
I am a little excited. I will not reveal the reason as yet.. but I know for sure it will make my sleep to have less tossing and turning after this. I know I could smile more eventually.. pray hard!

Current wish:
To make some people know that I am actually not that dependable (yes!) Why..? Cuz I wish those whom I reckon could be independent could actually be independent. I don't nag, but don't presume I will just accept. Since I don't really express myself that clearly face-to-face (tak sampai hati beb..) I'll just say it here. Please Grow Up. I have my life to lead too.

Current indulgences:
One Republic (they are sooo good! It's so hard to sing Stop & Stare like the vocalist does..) and health matters. Do you know that is it wise to vary your cultured-drink because if you drink the same type of cultured bacteria everyday, they will get used to your intestinal tract environment, and that is not so good for your stomach (err.. correct me if I'm wrong kak Zufina..) haha.. if you are interested, you might wanna read more details on prebiotics and probiotics. Important for babies. Mommas-to-be, please take note!

And at present, I take different cultured yogurt drink daily (^_^)

Current lesson learnt:
Honesty is the best policy.. I should admit that the statement holds. I think I was honest enough these two months to tell my superior what I wanted to tell for the past few months. But nevertheless, my honesty, without His help, would still mean nothing.

Current nostalgia:
30th May 2007: Modern Control Engineering was the final exam paper I sat for. I missed the time my coursemates and I ran for the library to shoot some photos after the exam ended.

Current issue:
Our KPDNHEP minister is kinda slow in solving the hike in the price of rice, isn't he? I thought he was this really effective leader.. sigh (abes la I kena ISA kalau salah cakap). I would not buy rice for the time being if I were Mom. Makan roti hari-hari. Boleh diet! (perhaps only applicable to the unmarried.. {>_<})

ermm.. mungkin itu suggestion yang lame.. huhu..

Saturday, May 17, 2008

True Colors

During my recent trip to Bintulu with my new senior manager, she posed a lot of personal questions to me. I don't usually welcome questions about myself, because none will ask anything about you one question after another (I think so!) unless he/ she is trying to understand or make an impression about you.

Five of her points that I could recall were:

'it is really a miss if you don't enjoy what He has given you'.. (yeah.. I missed rollerblading with these fast legs -_-!)
'have you ever looked at yourself long enough in the mirror and admire His gift?' (ece.. lawa sangat ye aku nih.. haha)
'you should learn to take from those who wanna give you..' (personally, i prefer giving.. cuz 'tangan yang memberi lebih baik daripada yang menerima..')
'you should not try to cover yourself.. it's like wearing an unseen hijab.. you should not be timid to show your true colors..' (it's not because I'm timid actually.. but as a woman, 'pandangan itu perlu selalu direndahkan..')

Well, I guess everyone's opinion should be listened to. And yeah, people who know you for a short while tend to focus more on the displayed traits rather than the underlying attributes and persona. And i guess that was what happened in my SM's case.

Okay, the feedbacks will not have any function if no intervention plan to figure the corrective measure is taking place, am I right? Hmm.. it's not that I have any intervention plan already.. I didn't say I agree with the feedbacks she gave me. But then, it's worth my time to think, why did she think like that?

Most of her points, I guess, commended on the way I behave and how I manipulate my appearance in public. The way I behave in the office, she said, is best summarized by one word: serious. Yes, I don't really smile that often when I am at the office, especially when I receive new assignments to be done.. well, it is definitely not because I am not enjoying it.. but rather, looking serious helps to preserve the drive to work in me (i have been like that for ages~ ask Dib or Fatin!) Also, not being too friendly helps to keep my relationship with the male colleagues to be maintained at the platonic level.. it works at least for me, especially when there are many in the office who are still looking around.. huhu. But of course, I do smile when people drop by at my workstation asking for assistance on HR matters. No doubt about it.

Remembering Cyndi Lauper's True Colors,

"But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

I believe in those lines. I believe that our true colors can be better seen by those of special ties with us. It is exactly not my idea to spill myself wherever I go. Because our true colors, sometimes are not being displayed directly. Sometimes it needs certain ability in other people to see right through us. It is how they see our true colors, without us making the effort to really show them. Because at times, we are not that aware of our true colors too.. and we may need help from the people who understands us best to show to us that we are really this or we are actually that.

For example, some friends will laugh at me if I say 'I'm gonna spend my weekend trying out new recipes' since to them, I don't look like this maiden who spends her time in the kitchen, in which in fact, I do. Nevertheless, I'm not gonna waste my time convincing them that I love to cook. Yeah, I know that many distant acquaintances would take me for a rough girl, which I actually love to hear. However, it breaks my heart if anyone close to me would think so. I deliberately create that kind of impression in people who knew me for a short while though, because it is easier to keep the distance in that manner. At least I think so.

Well, I guess everyone has their own way to express and appreciate themselves. I do too. It's just that I don't do it as often as searching for new recipes during the weekends. Also, it is not that easy to find something that really satisfy myself. Not even winning first runner up in Euphonious okay (and it was definitely not because we didn't win first place either..) maybe the last few great things that happened to me were EDX and Convo Dinner.. where I got to sing the songs that I really wanna croon in public. But that was last year. This year, I'm still searching for it.

Perhaps the differences among people is what makes them question a lot about other people's doings. Yerp, differences are interesting, and liberating too. It only becomes a problem when we have problem adapting, if not, understanding.

Examples that I can think of right now:
"Euuww.. why you like to wear pants..? It's not feminine maa~ Buy skirts lorr", or "Kenapa you pakai Maxis? Bukan Maxis macam sosial sikit kah trademarknya?" Judgmental~

.. atau adakah aku terlalu angkuh untuk menerima soalan begini.. hmm..

WHUTEVER.. (>_<)

Monday, May 12, 2008

u n t i t l e d

I can't seem to know why
This heart floats and sinks at the same time
But it doesn't matter
As long as you're near
I'll feel all right..

I can't seem to figure out
Some questions inside, the answers seem to hide
But it doesn't matter if they didn't appear
Cuz even if it's just a whisper
You will always hear..

I don't know what the future will bring
Will the promises turn into real thing
But I guess all we have is us
and in us we trust
to weave our story
from now 'til we rust..

..and now..
I'm singing this song
Knowing you too would sing along
oh I just love it, the way that you do it
Melts me away in my dreams..

* * * * * *

(hey.. i'm writing poems again..~)

Friday, May 2, 2008


"Yeah I feel you.. uhuh.. (continues to listen).. uhuh.."

. I think this word is very much often understated.

To understand is really essential as a part of communicating with people. Not only that being understanding shows that we care, it is also imperative in order to have a smooth message flow, without having ambiguities in it.

To understand, at times does not require us to also participate in the talking. All we have to do is listen and pay attention to what is being communicated: the gestures, the body language, the face mimics, the voice tone, besides the words being said. Keeping quiet does not really mean that one is not interested in the topic, but more so, different people have different ways and capacity in understanding and perceiving messages. Some prefer just to listen and withhold the comments. Some understand slower than the others. Therefore, if a message being sent is received and being responded to a little later, the person sending the message should not quickly jump to a conclusion that there is a misunderstood conflict just because the other person replies to him longer than he expected.

Gestures show the intensity of the feeling the person who expresses it. Not all people have the ability to easily understand non-verbal actions. Well, to me, it requires practice, and lotsa reading too. Because only when you understand others can you relate to them. To further understand, personally I think, asking more and more questions would help. There are many ways to understand others. Just reach out and get to know more of those who communicate with us.

At times, I thought I can easily understand people when they tell me their problems. To a certain extent, because I feel that I am a welcoming person, I don't really mind people coming to me and discuss a word or two, or share some perspectives of life in which I strongly admit is the most interesting topic to be talked about, always. Of all my close friends, I might understand Dib the most, as we shared lotsa life background and past stories. Definitely that helped us communicating, and that if we feel that we have mistaken the message, we would immediately check to find out each others' understanding on what was being talked about. Or perhaps girl-to-girl friendship is usually like that? I dunno.. maybe.

Nevertheless, I think the hardest person to be understood is the one closest to the heart. In conflicts, though we know them thoroughly, it is still hard for us to understand their situation, especially when both parties are in the middle of a cold war. That is when conflicts arise: when neither side wants to understand, because they feel they are not being understood, so it is kinda unfair for them to understand the other party. Huh.. is my description of the scene correct?

As far as I see it, understanding is far than just listening, nodding your head, with some 'yeah.. yeah, I understand..' sentences, and continuing to listen with crooked eyebrows. It requires reflecting, having empathy, trying to put ourselves in their shoes, and the decision of approving or disapproving the act or behavior of that particular person, among other actions that I may have not thought of here..

I think if one wants to be understood, one has to learn to understand too. I would not wanna understand you if you do not want to understand me, although understanding you might be easier for me compared to otherwise. You may never fully understand me; at least you can put yourself in my shoes and try to relate. At least that would be of help. I think so.