Hona Hain Tujhmein Fanaa~

Mode: Stucked in Kerteh again. Heading for KL this evening. Will head back to Kerteh on Saturday.

Current wish: To have the 'jumper'-ability, like Hayden Christensen :P

Blessing in disguise: Enrich Miles (though not as much as my bosses' miles!) & World Card & Treatspoints

You know, one of the reasons why I like to be on my own is that I don't have to make people understand of the things I like. One of the things I find hard to share about is my penchant for Hindi songs (and movies too :D) My all-time fave are the song from the movie Fanaa: Chand Sifarish ('chand' means the moon, while I'm not so sure what 'sifarish' means) and Tinak Tin Tana from the movie Mann (it doesn't mean anything specifically, just Tinak Tin Tana.. like la la la). Hmm.. ironically in those two movies Aamir Khan played the lead. Well, yeah, I am a big fan of his :) Look at the way he wooed Kajol in this video.. heart melting..~

(bestnya kalau ada someone mengorat mcm tu.. encik tunang, sila la ngorat saya macam tu, hihi)

The interest for Hindi songs is nothing new to me. I guess because all of us in the family were exposed to a lot of Hindi movies of the 60s and 70s (Bobby, An Evening in Paris, Sangam, Talaash, to name a few) and that the generations of the actors then emerged in the industry (Karisma Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan, Kajol, etc.) added to the interest of knowing and watching more of their movies. Abah and maktok love watching them until now. Abah even bought a few albums containing the songs that he liked. The result: I memorized some of them! Funnily, Ain thinks my fondness of Hindi songs is something crazy. She rather goes for Japanese. Thank God she doesn't like anime though, which I personally think is rather a weird interest :P

And because of the love for the songs, I put in effort to find the meanings of the songs.. to better understand the message, and the language itself. Believe me, it's not like learning English or Malay; the sentence will be jumbled up if I try to directly translate from English to Hindi. It's not that simple.

Have I sang Hindi songs in public? Yes! Tapi sekali je la.. during my PIPE group visit to this Old Folks Home in Semenyih, where most of the old folks were Indian. We didn't really know how to entertain them by doing other things less physical, except singing. So I sang a few Hindi songs for them, and a few who knew the songs joined me by singing along. Serious seronok seeing them enjoying themselves.

Haih, minta-minta la kat Astro/ TV2/ TV3 ada cerita Hindi yang best. Yang best pastinya ada Aamir Khan, SRK, or Preity Zinta :)

Forgive and forget?

2 weeks in Kerteh and now I'm back in KL for a while. A rough start in Kerteh: missing luggage and the emergence of a larger-than-a-dinosaur pimple on my forehead. Anyway, having my work completed 1 week ahead of schedule and getting a closer look on the plant instruments were definitely the cure.. apart from the nice small dinner I had with one of my best chums Nadi on my last night there. This weekend Ozal will be back home, since on this coming Monday he won't be having any classes. I'm thinking of what to do this weekend. I don't expect myself to watch Harry Potter that soon, because it is expected that the cinemas will definitely be flocked, and I don't really enjoy big crowds, especially on weekends. Nevertheless, I am foreseeing that Ozal might drag us to watch the movie.

During the dinner, among the topics that Nadi and I touched were about seeking apologies and being forgiving. I told her about a few stories, painful to the heart, that I am still unable to forgive and forget. One of the reasons: there were no apologies sought, and because of that, I am unable to forgive. Perhaps in those particular cases, I believe forgiveness does not come for free. It should be asked for. Especially when the occasions involve heart matters. It's not the same like one freeingly forgive a neighbor's offspring for breaking one's flower pot. The damage is not the same as the damage done to the heart. It leaves permanent scar inside.

I quote Fairuz's favorite tagline: Treat others like you wanna be treated. If the 'treat others' fails, then definitely 'like you wanna be treated' is just for us to dream about.

Walking through my life, I have seen too many incidents around me that were so damn impossible to forgive, that sometimes led to vengeance. I can totally understand why, because they did not involve the heart alone, but also pride and family ties. And because forgiveness was too seldom to be sought for, the ties just dissolved with time.

I have seen people begging for forgiveness, and eventually repeat the same old attitude again. What's worst is that they influence other people to hate the wronged person. Because of that, I tend to identify people around me as being trustworthy or otherwise. Because of that too, I tend to warn my family and friends acquanting with those of that type to be careful. It may sound paranoid, but I just wanna protect my beloved from being offended, or lied to, or heartbroken.

I do believe in the phrase 'once bitten, twice shy'. Perhaps there are former acquaintances that I don't wanna keep in touch with anymore. If they can't think of a reason why, may be the most likely case is that I was been incised by them. I love my heart, and I constantly make sure that it doesn't bleed. Perhaps in time it will heal, even though they never really say sorry to make things better. Perhaps they have forgotten what they have done, and that's why I'll just shy away and will not highlight things anymore. It's called "healing myself".

I know some will say 'sedangkan Nabi ampunkan umatnya'. Well, it takes a great deal to be a great human like the Prophet (pbuh). Allah's guidance to seek peace in mind, soul and heart is the only help I always ask for.

Oh yeah friends, do not advise me, unless I ask you to. The best thing to do is to send me tapes of sermons or books by Islamic scholars. That will be better :)

P/S: Kailua, I know who you are.