During my recent trip to Bintulu with my new senior manager, she posed a lot of personal questions to me. I don't usually welcome questions about myself, because none will ask anything about you one question after another (I think so!) unless he/ she is trying to understand or make an impression about you.
Five of her points that I could recall were:
'it is really a miss if you don't enjoy what He has given you'.. (yeah.. I missed rollerblading with these fast legs -_-!)
'have you ever looked at yourself long enough in the mirror and admire His gift?' (ece.. lawa sangat ye aku nih.. haha)
'you should learn to take from those who wanna give you..' (personally, i prefer giving.. cuz 'tangan yang memberi lebih baik daripada yang menerima..')
'you should not try to cover yourself.. it's like wearing an unseen hijab.. you should not be timid to show your true colors..' (it's not because I'm timid actually.. but as a woman, 'pandangan itu perlu selalu direndahkan..')
Well, I guess everyone's opinion should be listened to. And yeah, people who know you for a short while tend to focus more on the displayed traits rather than the underlying attributes and persona. And i guess that was what happened in my SM's case.
Okay, the feedbacks will not have any function if no intervention plan to figure the corrective measure is taking place, am I right? Hmm.. it's not that I have any intervention plan already.. I didn't say I agree with the feedbacks she gave me. But then, it's worth my time to think, why did she think like that?
Most of her points, I guess, commended on the way I behave and how I manipulate my appearance in public. The way I behave in the office, she said, is best summarized by one word: serious. Yes, I don't really smile that often when I am at the office, especially when I receive new assignments to be done.. well, it is definitely not because I am not enjoying it.. but rather, looking serious helps to preserve the drive to work in me (i have been like that for ages~ ask Dib or Fatin!) Also, not being too friendly helps to keep my relationship with the male colleagues to be maintained at the platonic level.. it works at least for me, especially when there are many in the office who are still looking around.. huhu. But of course, I do smile when people drop by at my workstation asking for assistance on HR matters. No doubt about it.
Remembering Cyndi Lauper's True Colors,
"But I see your true colors
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow"
I believe in those lines. I believe that our true colors can be better seen by those of special ties with us. It is exactly not my idea to spill myself wherever I go. Because our true colors, sometimes are not being displayed directly. Sometimes it needs certain ability in other people to see right through us. It is how they see our true colors, without us making the effort to really show them. Because at times, we are not that aware of our true colors too.. and we may need help from the people who understands us best to show to us that we are really this or we are actually that.
For example, some friends will laugh at me if I say 'I'm gonna spend my weekend trying out new recipes' since to them, I don't look like this maiden who spends her time in the kitchen, in which in fact, I do. Nevertheless, I'm not gonna waste my time convincing them that I love to cook. Yeah, I know that many distant acquaintances would take me for a rough girl, which I actually love to hear. However, it breaks my heart if anyone close to me would think so. I deliberately create that kind of impression in people who knew me for a short while though, because it is easier to keep the distance in that manner. At least I think so.
Well, I guess everyone has their own way to express and appreciate themselves. I do too. It's just that I don't do it as often as searching for new recipes during the weekends. Also, it is not that easy to find something that really satisfy myself. Not even winning first runner up in Euphonious okay (and it was definitely not because we didn't win first place either..) maybe the last few great things that happened to me were EDX and Convo Dinner.. where I got to sing the songs that I really wanna croon in public. But that was last year. This year, I'm still searching for it.
Perhaps the differences among people is what makes them question a lot about other people's doings. Yerp, differences are interesting, and liberating too. It only becomes a problem when we have problem adapting, if not, understanding.
Examples that I can think of right now:
"Euuww.. why you like to wear pants..? It's not feminine maa~ Buy skirts lorr", or "Kenapa you pakai Maxis? Bukan Maxis macam sosial sikit kah trademarknya?" Judgmental~
.. atau adakah aku terlalu angkuh untuk menerima soalan begini.. hmm..