Saturday, May 17, 2008

True Colors

During my recent trip to Bintulu with my new senior manager, she posed a lot of personal questions to me. I don't usually welcome questions about myself, because none will ask anything about you one question after another (I think so!) unless he/ she is trying to understand or make an impression about you.

Five of her points that I could recall were:

'it is really a miss if you don't enjoy what He has given you'.. (yeah.. I missed rollerblading with these fast legs -_-!)
'have you ever looked at yourself long enough in the mirror and admire His gift?' (ece.. lawa sangat ye aku nih.. haha)
'you should learn to take from those who wanna give you..' (personally, i prefer giving.. cuz 'tangan yang memberi lebih baik daripada yang menerima..')
'you should not try to cover yourself.. it's like wearing an unseen hijab.. you should not be timid to show your true colors..' (it's not because I'm timid actually.. but as a woman, 'pandangan itu perlu selalu direndahkan..')

Well, I guess everyone's opinion should be listened to. And yeah, people who know you for a short while tend to focus more on the displayed traits rather than the underlying attributes and persona. And i guess that was what happened in my SM's case.

Okay, the feedbacks will not have any function if no intervention plan to figure the corrective measure is taking place, am I right? Hmm.. it's not that I have any intervention plan already.. I didn't say I agree with the feedbacks she gave me. But then, it's worth my time to think, why did she think like that?

Most of her points, I guess, commended on the way I behave and how I manipulate my appearance in public. The way I behave in the office, she said, is best summarized by one word: serious. Yes, I don't really smile that often when I am at the office, especially when I receive new assignments to be done.. well, it is definitely not because I am not enjoying it.. but rather, looking serious helps to preserve the drive to work in me (i have been like that for ages~ ask Dib or Fatin!) Also, not being too friendly helps to keep my relationship with the male colleagues to be maintained at the platonic level.. it works at least for me, especially when there are many in the office who are still looking around.. huhu. But of course, I do smile when people drop by at my workstation asking for assistance on HR matters. No doubt about it.

Remembering Cyndi Lauper's True Colors,

"But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

I believe in those lines. I believe that our true colors can be better seen by those of special ties with us. It is exactly not my idea to spill myself wherever I go. Because our true colors, sometimes are not being displayed directly. Sometimes it needs certain ability in other people to see right through us. It is how they see our true colors, without us making the effort to really show them. Because at times, we are not that aware of our true colors too.. and we may need help from the people who understands us best to show to us that we are really this or we are actually that.

For example, some friends will laugh at me if I say 'I'm gonna spend my weekend trying out new recipes' since to them, I don't look like this maiden who spends her time in the kitchen, in which in fact, I do. Nevertheless, I'm not gonna waste my time convincing them that I love to cook. Yeah, I know that many distant acquaintances would take me for a rough girl, which I actually love to hear. However, it breaks my heart if anyone close to me would think so. I deliberately create that kind of impression in people who knew me for a short while though, because it is easier to keep the distance in that manner. At least I think so.

Well, I guess everyone has their own way to express and appreciate themselves. I do too. It's just that I don't do it as often as searching for new recipes during the weekends. Also, it is not that easy to find something that really satisfy myself. Not even winning first runner up in Euphonious okay (and it was definitely not because we didn't win first place either..) maybe the last few great things that happened to me were EDX and Convo Dinner.. where I got to sing the songs that I really wanna croon in public. But that was last year. This year, I'm still searching for it.

Perhaps the differences among people is what makes them question a lot about other people's doings. Yerp, differences are interesting, and liberating too. It only becomes a problem when we have problem adapting, if not, understanding.

Examples that I can think of right now:
"Euuww.. why you like to wear pants..? It's not feminine maa~ Buy skirts lorr", or "Kenapa you pakai Maxis? Bukan Maxis macam sosial sikit kah trademarknya?" Judgmental~

.. atau adakah aku terlalu angkuh untuk menerima soalan begini.. hmm..

WHUTEVER.. (>_<)


desh said...

No one could possibly understand the depths of a person, except the person herself.

desh said...

We shouldn't be too judgmental when it involves criticizing and labeling people. That is Vertical Thinking. We should give them more chances of possibilities because information that maybe left out now and will appear in the future and hence give a solid conclusion. That is Lateral Thinking. We must avoid being judgmental at anything. Observe more with an open mind.

Sharifah Zahira Syed Iedin said...

( I didn't comment after your first comment cuz I know you will add more thoughts to it en. Dayat)

but at times I wonder, how long should we refrain from judging.. i think most of the time, i wud try to refrain and that resulted in me being indefinite..

how wud you suggest..?

desh said...

You have an accelerated intuition
I only make a final judgment on people when it involves my money and my safety.
But I always make a constantly changing MINI judgment on people using the constantly changing inputs and variables from time to time. But I will not take the MINI judgment too seriously because I am still considering the future input.

If I am serious on making a judgment,I will do an aggressive investigation and homework. The more the input, the better.

I over simplify things here.
You are welcome for any question.

desh 2.0 said...

Example A
Let see the current situation of Tun Dr M quitting UMNO.

I present here the most obvious input.
1. He quited party that he swore to protect.
2. He made it very public.

Base on only these 2 reasons, if I am going to be judgmental base on my conclusion I would say:
Dr. M had commit treason to some of the Malays and he is very inconsiderate to keep it very public in a really bad time.

Am I being unfair to judge Dr M base by these 2 reasons? I would say yes I am.
What about the conspiracy theory, the BLACK op, behind the scene footage that I am unaware and have no access to the input. Base on the only 2 reasons I surely cannot see What connect the dots?

Well anyway,
I am not going to judge Dr. Mahathir because I am not giving him my money or depend on him for my safety. Hehehe. Joke.

I over simply this.
You are welcome for any question.

dA mutafaca said...

haha. btul pun ko serious.
pedulikan apa yg org kata.
you are living your life your way.
dont let people dictate your life.

danial said...

hi Ira
in my profession, we are taught to non-judgmental. people came with all sorts of diseases and it is believed that if we become judgemental, we will not be able to provide care and treatment fairly.

but in reality, i believe that is unfair. say a man chose to be a drug addict. then he contracted HIV. and TB. non infectious endocarditis. and all these diseases require expensive medicines. do you know that, the medications are given to him FREE OF CHARGE? thousand ringgits of medication. and by nature, this people usually default the medications.

sometimes , it pained me to serve these kind of people.

and i think that no matter how hard you try, you still will have some kind of judgement about a person. mini judgement or huge impressions.

but usually i dont really care. how i am perceived or how i perceive long as i get my pay, i get decent meals, i hae my life, i really dont bother.


by the way, thank you for adding danial's blog into the link. his father does write at the blog sometimes you know. :)