Forgive and forget?

2 weeks in Kerteh and now I'm back in KL for a while. A rough start in Kerteh: missing luggage and the emergence of a larger-than-a-dinosaur pimple on my forehead. Anyway, having my work completed 1 week ahead of schedule and getting a closer look on the plant instruments were definitely the cure.. apart from the nice small dinner I had with one of my best chums Nadi on my last night there. This weekend Ozal will be back home, since on this coming Monday he won't be having any classes. I'm thinking of what to do this weekend. I don't expect myself to watch Harry Potter that soon, because it is expected that the cinemas will definitely be flocked, and I don't really enjoy big crowds, especially on weekends. Nevertheless, I am foreseeing that Ozal might drag us to watch the movie.

During the dinner, among the topics that Nadi and I touched were about seeking apologies and being forgiving. I told her about a few stories, painful to the heart, that I am still unable to forgive and forget. One of the reasons: there were no apologies sought, and because of that, I am unable to forgive. Perhaps in those particular cases, I believe forgiveness does not come for free. It should be asked for. Especially when the occasions involve heart matters. It's not the same like one freeingly forgive a neighbor's offspring for breaking one's flower pot. The damage is not the same as the damage done to the heart. It leaves permanent scar inside.

I quote Fairuz's favorite tagline: Treat others like you wanna be treated. If the 'treat others' fails, then definitely 'like you wanna be treated' is just for us to dream about.

Walking through my life, I have seen too many incidents around me that were so damn impossible to forgive, that sometimes led to vengeance. I can totally understand why, because they did not involve the heart alone, but also pride and family ties. And because forgiveness was too seldom to be sought for, the ties just dissolved with time.

I have seen people begging for forgiveness, and eventually repeat the same old attitude again. What's worst is that they influence other people to hate the wronged person. Because of that, I tend to identify people around me as being trustworthy or otherwise. Because of that too, I tend to warn my family and friends acquanting with those of that type to be careful. It may sound paranoid, but I just wanna protect my beloved from being offended, or lied to, or heartbroken.

I do believe in the phrase 'once bitten, twice shy'. Perhaps there are former acquaintances that I don't wanna keep in touch with anymore. If they can't think of a reason why, may be the most likely case is that I was been incised by them. I love my heart, and I constantly make sure that it doesn't bleed. Perhaps in time it will heal, even though they never really say sorry to make things better. Perhaps they have forgotten what they have done, and that's why I'll just shy away and will not highlight things anymore. It's called "healing myself".

I know some will say 'sedangkan Nabi ampunkan umatnya'. Well, it takes a great deal to be a great human like the Prophet (pbuh). Allah's guidance to seek peace in mind, soul and heart is the only help I always ask for.

Oh yeah friends, do not advise me, unless I ask you to. The best thing to do is to send me tapes of sermons or books by Islamic scholars. That will be better :)

P/S: Kailua, I know who you are.