A SMALL WORLD
Okay. I must admit that I haven't been to sooo many places there are on the surface of Earth to call it small. But lately, the phrase 'what a small world' seems to be occurring for quite a few times already for me.. which you know, ignites the jitters at the back of my head. This is an example.
Like a month ago, I attended my distant uncle's wedding (he's my mom's second cousin) in Bangi. I was really eager to have a look at his bride cuz he was sooo adoring the laydee (how did I know..? I checked his friendster and blog la. Okay2.. now I sound like I was stalking, haha. No lah, not that kind of intention) When I came to the wedding and saw the bride, it came across my mind that she was someone kinda familiar to me. I totally forgot about it until last week when Nona aired the wedding ceremony. Indeed, she was really familiar. So, I did my usual searching method: seeking on Google.
And so, I came across her blog (yeah, she blogs, haha!) Reading her page from top to bottom, I managed to find the answer to my wondering. We lived in the same neighborhood before! And we even used to cycle in a group too.. only that I think she didn't really fancy me, and the same case was for me too.. and that we didn't really talk to each other.
And now she's my uncle's wife.. blimeyy.. (>_<) or should I say "eeuuuwww..~~~"
Nope, wouldn't try to make her remember our childhood stories though.. it's better that she doesn't even know that I'm related to the husband. Oh, my families are like that. We rarely do even yearly visits on Raya time. The ties are getting looser with the growing of globalization. Perhaps when I have my own children later, the aunts and uncles they will only know are my officemates, besides my siblings and in-laws.
OF MARRIAGES AND GETTING MARRIED
The elders said, "bila dah sampai seru nanti, berjodohlah.." I buy that =)
The second half of 2008 has already started. Wedding invitations from my fellas pour in like there's no time for me to breathe until I get the next invitation. So alright, I am starting to feel like I am in God-knows-which-poll-position-it-is, in terms of winning the race of who-gets-to-reach-the-status-of-being-wedded.
I dunno why, but the sense of competition is coming back to me. Believe it or not, I surrendered during my time in the varsity cuz I knew I would never beat Tpot or Rahimi, or better, I didn't wanna spend my time like they did. And that I thought, if I were to continue being tied-up in the competition mentality, I would lose the fun things that I could do. So the past 5 years, everything was done 'under my interest, capacity and self-drive'. Yeah, it went fine. Varsity years was great. But I guess now, being just 'fine' is not what I want any longer.
I have this cousin. Pretty and educated. It can be said that we competed on almost everything: UPSR, PMR, SPM, which university we attended, what kind of job, who knows how to cook what, who bakes better cakes and biscuits on Raya.. those kinda stuff. I guess it was because of this competition idea which made us strangers to each other. Only now that we're grown ups, we are trying to mend the ties between us.
And so, this coming August and December, she will get engaged and married. Yerp.. again, that makes me feel I am in God-knows-which-poll-position-it-is-to-reach-the-status-of-being-wedded. Darn~ I hate this feeling. I wish that I could think of buying her a sweet present for her big day. But the sense of competition is killing me. Darn darn..~!
I confided in a friend about this. He told me just to chill and relax. Yerp, I should realize, it is after the wedding where greater responsibility will be carried.. and getting married is not just for the sake of the life record. I guess it is better for me to equip myself with better knowledge and and conscience before taking this next important step.
Oh well.. I know I'm learning everyday.. hmm..
During the induction course that I underwent in February, there was a fragment of the course that enabled us to identify what type of personality each of us had. I was classified as 'The Shark' that reflected me being dominant. There were 3 other types: The Owl, The Teddy Bear and the Sheep. I can't really recall what the three others specifically mean, but they are something like this: The Owl: the thinker, who pauses, takes time to decide; The Teddy Bear: carefree, likes to have fun, sweet; The Sheep: rather shy, needs to be pushed, makes the Shark type angry, haha.
Okay, so I was then classified as The Shark. I was quite comfortable by being classified as so, because I thought, over the years, I haven't actually lose that part of me. I was always the dominant type. I didn't wanna lose it.
Lately, I did a few reflections on my actions, behavior and doings. I guess this Shark attitude could actually drive me up the wall. It's like, I can anticipate, in a few years to come, I might be diagnosed with having high blood pressure or some other diseases related to that. So I think, it is best if I were to revisit my inner self again.. which I have not properly done for a couple of years.
I read somewhere, that everyone at present needs to be agile to the call of globalization. And that, the key to globalization is to be fast, accurate and competent, so that one can stay competitive and relevant to the present world. And I feel, that Shark attitude is overwhelming me, because I thought I wanna answer the call of globalization. But there are times when I actually don't.
There are times when I loved to answer numerous work calls. And there are times when I wish I was somewhere peaceful and quiet. To learn to better serve the Creator.
Yeah, it's good to keep abreast with the modernization, but I am afraid all these will take away the person i would wanna be.
There is an old saying 'Dunia dikelek, akhirat dijunjung; agama dididik, moden dibela'
I hope my conscience will be better..